Swagger Like This

No performance or reading of this work may be given without express permission of the author. Inquires regarding performance rights should be addressed to the author.

Garret Schneider

www.litpunk.com

litpunk@gmail.com

©2011 Garret Schneider

Characters

JONAH

8th grade boy.* He has a physical handicap, as well as a speech impediment.** He wants to be a rapper, and will do it.

MARK

30-something man. He is Jonah’s father, and tries everything that he can do to make Jonah ‘better’.

KATHY

30-something woman. She is Jonah’s mother, and is torn between wanting to protect Jonah, and wanting him to do what he loves.

Other Notes

Two-Acts.

Jonah raps all words which are in italics.

*Jonah is an 8th grader, but he could of course be played by an actor of any-age.

** Jonah has a problem with moving the right side of his body, and a speech impediment (not a stutter, but a problem with pronouncing letters ‘correctly’). The name of ‘MARK’ is chosen with the intention of making a soft ‘r’ sound, (making ‘Mark’ sound like ‘Mahk’) but it is, of course, up to those working on the script.

Act 2, Scene 01: Living-room of Mark’s Apartment.

[MARK slams-open the door and stalks in, with JONAH following.]

MARK: Sit down.

[JONAH sits down.]

MARK: I can't believe.. Do you know how worried I was? Do you have any idea?

JONAH: I forgot, I'm sorry.

MARK: You didn't come home on the bus, I called the school and they didn't know where you were. I thought you tried walking home, fell, I didn't know. We need to know where you are. I'm getting you a cellphone. And you are going to pick it up whenever you see I call. Do you understand me, Jonah?

JONAH: I'm not retarded.

MARK: And when I did find you, you call that rehearsing? Is that what your friends do when you sing after school?

JONAH: We were about to cipher.

MARK: I thought you were better than that. I told her about settling down here-

JONAH: No one was hurt.

MARK: Yeah? No one? How about the cats you were shooting at with your guns?

JONAH: One gun, we were sharing.

MARK: Shooting at-

JONAH: A pellet gun!

MARK: They were guns!

JONAH: It didn't hurt it.

MARK: You're calling a cat an 'it'? Why the hell would you even do that?

JONAH: I guess I wasn't raised right.

MARK: Who are you? You're becoming like those kids who stand-outside the supermarket. Will I be getting calls from the police, next? You said you were just doing this to win the competition, this crew thing.

JONAH: I was.

MARK: And you need to shoot cats to win a competition?

JONAH: I need to know how to hold a gun.

MARK: You never need to learn that.

JONAH: Will you let me explain?

MARK: First your language-

JONAH: What language?

MARK: Mother-goose?

JONAH: I told mom that it was an introduction. That's how all crews introduce themselves.

MARK: I told her that it was nothing to be worried about. But your language, shooting guns, what's next? I don't know what to make of this. I don't know how to deal- What's next, Jonah? Shooting it at other people? Trying to sell cigarettes out of your locker? Sneaking out at night? (JONAH laughs) I'm serious!

JONAH: I think if I tried to sneak out at night, Mark, you'd hear me. (Pause) You're not listening to me. We needed to practice how we held the gun. '75' had one that his dad bought him. Gangsters have to know how to hold their guns. I have my crew. And rapping is rapping about the lifestyle. The lives of gangsters. So we have to live it to be able to rap about it-

MARK: So you're going to sell drugs, next? Call women 'bitches'-

JONAH: Of course not! But we need to do something that gangsters do!

MARK: So you're copying gangsters.

JONAH: We're being gangsters.

MARK: Who do whatever they want.

JONAH: Yeah.

MARK: And what you, as a gangster, want to do, is pretend to be them?

JONAH: Why can't you be happy for me?

MARK: Happy of what? That you have good aim?

JONAH: No-

MARK: I'm so proud of you! I'd offer you a drink, but I'm all out of Hennessy-

JONAH: Mark, I'm the crew's-leader now! Look, this paper says so! I'm their leader!

[MARK looks at the paper.]

MARK: It's just a school form, it's blank, Jonah.

JONAH: And the leader fills it out, and gives it to the secretary.

MARK: They voted on you? Had a general election?

JONAH: You never listen to me! They asked me to fill it out, there's a part that says 'leader', and I'm going to fill my name in! I'm the leader.

MARK: If it's not discussed, Jonah, then-

JONAH: Do you see this hat? Do you see me? Crew members wear this hat, Mark. I ciphered against Sigmund at lunch, he couldn't even start his round, he had to leave the cipher because he was crying. I spit gangster, Mark. But I couldn't just spit real gangster, the leader needs the swagger: and I looked heartless with '75's' gun. Then he told me to fire it. Said I had this choice. I could be the leader, or I could put down the gun. I could be branded the leader, or as nothing. I fired. And I earned my brand. I'm part of my crew. And I am going to spit in front of the entire school, and we're going to win. And I'll lead them there.

MARK: Jonah.

JONAH: JStor.

MARK: You're not competing.

JONAH: Excuse me?

MARK: You are not going to leave either your mother or I's house unless you're at school.

JONAH: You don't tell a gangster what to do!

[MARK takes out his cellphone.]

JONAH: Who are you calling?

MARK: Your mother.

JONAH: What's she going to do?

MARK: Tell you exactly what I'm telling you.

JONAH: I have to compete tomorrow.

MARK: You're not.

JONAH: I have to! That's what I've been doing everything-

MARK: Then you should have made better choices!

JONAH: You don't need to call her.

MARK: Really? You'll tell her?

JONAH: No. She's going to be here soon.

MARK: Tonight's my night.

JONAH: I e-mailed her today.

[MARK hangs-up.]

MARK: You what?

JONAH: She said she'd pick me up here after practice.

MARK: Why does she need you-

JONAH: I asked her.

MARK: What did you say?

JONAH: I don't talk to narc's, Mark.

MARK: What did you say?

JONAH: I am competing tomorrow. I'm going to be holding the gun.

MARK: Jonah, you're not competing, or spitting with your crew. I promise you that. You're not going to be taken-advantage of by your crew-

JONAH: They're not taking advantage of me.

MARK: How would you-

JONAH: Because they don't try to guilt me into doing things that I don't want to do-

[JONAH runs-over MARKS next line.]

MARK: Are you blind, too?

JONAH: -Because they don't listen to me say that all I want to do it be a rapper and tell me to go to science! Because what they want from me, is what I want to give them: and I spit like a camel, Mark, but you don't want to listen.

MARK: When else would you have fired that gun, Jonah? You weren't guilted into that?

[There is a knock on the door. KATHY enters.]

MARK: Kathy...

[JONAH goes to hug KATHY.]

KATHY: Stop.

JONAH: You came.

KATHY: You shot at a cat?

JONAH: It was a pellet-

KATHY: You're grounded- (overlapping with JONAH)

JONAH: Mom! (Overlapping with KATHY)

KATHY: You're not seeing those thugs and you're not competing tomorrow.

JONAH: No!

KATHY: Excuse me?

JONAH: I am the leader of my crew. I am not going to abandon them.

KATHY: You are going to school tomorrow, and you are coming back on the first bus home. You will do your homework, you will clean your room, and you will help me in the kitchen with dinner. You will do this every day for the next month and I am being generous, generous because I am allowing you to keep your rap posters. But if you are late in coming home from school, your room is forfeit, do you understand me, Jonah?

JONAH: JStor.

KATHY: Jonah, do you understand me?

JONAH: Yes.

KATHY: Are you ready?

JONAH: Yes.

KATHY: Get your bag and wait for me in the car.

MARK: This is my night!

KATHY: I'll be out in a second. Go, Jonah.

MARK: Jonah! Stay!

KATHY: The school called. Said you were frantic, that you didn't know where Jonah was.

MARK: He was at the park, shooting at-

KATHY: I believe you heard my response to that-

MARK: It should have been our response-

KATHY: You gave that up today, Mark. I get a call from the school because you lost our son-

MARK: He wasn't lost!

JONAH: I need help with my bag!

KATHY: I get a call from my neighbor, Ruth, who watched a man in a car stop by the park, yell, and grab Jonah.

MARK: He was shooting at cats!

KATHY: If she didn't recognize you, it would have been the police that she called.

MARK: This is my night with him!

JONAH: Can we just go?

KATHY: And this morning, I got an e-mail.

MARK: What did he say?

KATHY: So I'm taking him for tonight.

MARK: What did he say?

JONAH: I'm in the room!

KATHY: And, though this is against my better judgment, you can pick him up and drive him into school tomorrow morning.

[JONAH exits.]

MARK: Kathy-

KATHY: You still don't understand? Alright. Scientific method. A hypothesis, Mark: This competition was his dream, and dreams are never wrong, no matter how much you think he owes you. Experiment: He's not competing tomorrow, so the memory that he is going to have is you telling him that he shouldn't do it every step of the way.

MARK: Don't be a bitch-

KATHY: You're the scientist, Mark. Does this experiment prove you're a good father?

END OF SCENE

To read this in full, please visit www.litpunk.com

or contact Garret Schneider, litpunk@gmail.com

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